Events, however, have a sneaky way of sometimes turning out vastly different than what is expected. Take food shopping, for example. My plan was to hop on the bus, go to Safeway about 1.5 miles away, shop, pack my food into my day pack and large red duffel bag, catch a bus back home. Simple, eh?
As planned, things start out well enough. A short walk is required from home to bus stop. While waiting I ponder whether I should just walk to Safeway, it's only a short 1.5 miles away. A second thought shuffles in and shoves away my ponderance, I paid $40.00 for my monthly bus pass and I have only used it 6 times. It's going on mid-February and I feel financially "obligated" to take the bus having already paid my "dues".
So, I continue to wait. After about 20 minutes the bus finally arrives, it is 5 minutes late. I board the bus, settle in, then ride for about 3 minutes. The bus then pulls into a stop, the driver announces something about a "transfer" stop, turns off the engine, stands up, walks out the door, then walks away. What the Hell? I watch the bus driver as she walks down the street and out of sight. While waiting I ponder once again whether I should just walk the remaining distance to Safeway. A second thought shuffles in, the thought of waiting, and tries once again to shove the first thought away. This time, however, there's a bit of a scuffle. When the dust finally settles in my gray matter I realize my ponderance to walk is victorious. I may have paid $40 for my pass, but I'd be foolish if I stayed on the bus, I want to get my food shopping over and done with.
I spill off the bus and onto the sidewalk. With only 6 blocks to walk, soon enough I pass through the Safeway entrance with a trusty shopping cart. I realize I have to be careful not to buy too much stuff, I have to carry it all out to the closest bus stop. I go about my shopping, methodically perusing each and every isle, taking care not to buy anything in a glass container since I could break it during my transit home.
Finally, I complete my shopping and jump into line at an open checkout station. As I unload the booty from my cart a thought starts ringing in my head, "God, there's an awful lot of food here!". Now that I've laid it all out on the checkout counter, it looks to be a lot more than it did when sitting in my cart. Uh oh, I think I may be in a bit of trouble here.
The final bill rings up to a ridiculous $141.96, that's twice what I pay in Portland, OR! Food, heck, everything is expensive here on the island because it's all imported. Maybe I should have just bought a cart full of pineapples? In any event, it appears the cost is the least of my worries now, I have to get all this food back home. Well, that shouldn't be a problem though, I have a wise plan to pack my goodies up in my day pack and duffel, or so I thought.
I wheel my cart outside and initiate my transfer of purchases from cart to carrying bags. As I start to load of my bags I quickly realize I won't have enough space to hold all my food, I will need to lug around a few plastic bags of the stuff as well. Great!!! After filling both packs I determine there'll be 4 plastic bags I'll have to lug around.
Then, it starts to rain. Come rain or high water, after conferring with my iPhone that tells me my bus routing, I set sail to a bus stop that's just down the way about 3 blocks. I hoist my day pack, duffel bag, 4 plastic bags, and set off. From the get-go, I notice the duffel is a bit heavier than the 4 plastic bags. I'm uneven. Remembering the bus stop is only three blocks away, I decide not to bother balancing things out, I just head out at a fast pace.
As I make my way, I quickly realize my duffel is too heavy, I have to periodically rest, then switch sides. So, rather than do the smart thing and balance the load, instead, I balance things by periodically switching sides, I'm a regular genius! All the while, as I lug the duffel, it's dragging up against my calf. I'm wearing shorts so I have coarse canvas rubbing up against skin, not a good combo.
I'm sweating now, I think I now know what if feels like to be a sherpa. But, instead of hauling goods up a steep mountainside, I'm lugging around my food looking for a damn bus stop. Ha, I'm a regular food sherpa! My iPhone says the bus stop is 1/2 a block off the main arterial, on a side street, which seems kinda odd. I reach the side street and search for the bus stop in vane. There is no bus stop! I'm pissed! After a bit of swearing, I check my iPhone again, this time it tells me my bus is 9 blocks away. Are you F%^$&*@ kidding me?!? I'm really pissed now! More cussing ensues.
I have two options, either call a cab, or continue on as a food sherpa. Situation analysis time. Let's see, my forearms feel like tight sausages from all the heavy lifting, my patience is close to having completely run out, and to top it off, I have to walk 9 blocks to get to the bus stop. So what do I do? I continue on as a food sherpa, of course.
It takes me a while to get to the bus stop. I lose count how many times I have to drop my load, rest, switch hands on my load, then walk at a quick pace before I have to repeat the process all over again. Adversity tends to wake a portion of my brain where all my intelligence resides, this time is no different. I have a revelation, why not try balancing the load, what a great idea!
I stop, balance the load, then continue on. Unfortunately, I've worn myself down, balancing the load helps a little, but having gone so long with an unbalanced load has taken its toll. But, on I toil. Like a real sherpa, I'm realizing this food sherpa adventure I'm on is filled with a certain level of danger. While not as risky as dodging mountain avalanches or avoiding frostbite, despite my height and food heft as I amble along, I must be invisible because two separate instances of having to dodge cars whose drivers fail to see me inject a certain level of unwelcome excitement into this evening's adventure.
Finally, I reach the bus stop. I plunk down my food load and confer with my iPhone again for bus routing. Wow, it tells me I have to wait 30 minutes for the next bus. It's going on 10pm now, so the buses are few and far in between. I must have just missed the last bus, stupid food! At this point I consider ditching some of the food, skipping the bus, and walking the rest of the way back home. I can see it now, as I walk along, I leave a food trail, sorta like what ET did with the M&M's. My food trail would be a bit more substantial though, you'd see a can of chili beans, a bunch of bananas, a toilet brush, a gallon of milk, 4 energy bars. God, just how much does this stuff all weigh? I estimate maybe about 50-60 lbs of food, 50-60 lbs!!! Am I retarded? This is a perfect reason why one should never shop while you're hungry because you buy too much. It's 10pm, I'm hungry, and I haven't had dinner yet. Maybe that's why leaving a food trail seems stupid to me right now, I'm hungry, I don't wish to waste perfectly good food.
Hey, I just had another revelation, why don't I try to really stuff my day pack with as much food as I can! It's on my back, I can carry a lot of weight back there. So, I stuff my day pack to the gills. Even still, the load I have to hand carry is heavy. I have 7 blocks to go before home. Rather that wait for the bus, I hoist my food and set off once again.
Eventually, after a bit of struggle, I make it back home. On the way I avoided shedding my food load so I'm happy to say my food booty is 100% intact. My frozen vegetables are thawing and my milk is sweating profusely (so am I), but no casualties to speak of.
Well, that's my little shopping adventure. Since tomorrow is Valentines Day and I don't have a sweetheart this year, to cap off the evening I put out some candy and a little card (.... from the Valentinosaurus!) for my two Japanese roommates. They are my surrogate Valentines I suppose. They are really sweet gals, hope they like it.
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